Does size matter?

For decades men and women alike have been painfully debating: “Does size matter, really?”  Similarly to the millions prior, this question plagues me.   Firstly, I would like to note that I’m not discussing the size of one’s “unit,” or in simpler terms, dick. So if you started reading this post in hopes to see how your man “sizes up,” move along because the primary focus of this post is one’s bank size. 

However, I am not oppose to discussing penis sizes.  Hell, one time I abandoned a hookup after seeing his ‘baby penis.’  I said, “Oh my!  I didn’t realize how late it is.  I’m a nurse, and I have to be at the hospital.”  Then I left and got McDonald’s breakfast. Dick size is important, period.  But how important are other sizes, such as bank accounts?

The gay dating climate in Chicago is drastically different from southern Louisiana in that it actually exists. Sure “dating scenes” are indiscriminately everywhere, it is just, well, shitty in Louisiana. After being in Chicago for about three weeks I have had the opportunity to go on several dates. Some of them went very well, some were dismal at best.

One common theme that all my suitors have in common is that they have small bank accounts. How has this become common knowledge, you ask? Well, it is simple: they tell me. Personally, my mother has always taught me to be a true southern belle and not discuss finances, especially to people I hardly know; perhaps the gay world is different? It is fairly common knowledge that this culture can be a bit materialistic, at times. But on a first date? Here is how it happens:

Usually the pursuer (person I’m seeing) asks the pursuee (myself) if I want kids in the future. My answer is always yes. Note, I never bring this conversation up. I am sure women of my age, and younger, have to deal with the same sort of balance. If I say too eagerly that I want children, the pursuer may view me as needy and desperate. However, if I say it too casually they may find me noncommittal and flaky, which I can be. Thus, I usually respond in a way that is neither pressing nor aloof.

Lately, my thoughtfully worded responses have been met with a variation of: “Yes, I would like kids one day… If it just happens,” or “Yes, I’ve always wanted kids, I just probably will never be able to afford them.” I have problems with both of those statements, and here is why:

1) I want kids on day, if it happens- For starers, we are gay it is never just “going to happen.” Biological reasons aside, being gay and waiting for the creation, or adoption, of another human being to just “happen” is irresponsible and, I assure you, almost impossible.

2) I want kids but I am, and always will be, poor.- Here is where the size comes in. As many of my readers know, I am a social worker, with most of my training in the clinical/therapy aspects of human behavior. There is this pesky little intervention called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can be helpful in combating a wide range of problems, such as: reducing negative self-talk, anxiety, symptoms of PTSD, etc. The crux of the therapeutic purpose is that your thoughts effect how you feel which impacts how you behave.

For instance, if you believe that you will make money, then you may feel more confident, which may help you have the courage to advance your career. Or, if you believe you will always be a poor gay, then you may feel less confident, which may inhibit you from having courage to leave your current job…. See how thoughts can impact your behaviors?

So, when did the gay man give up?

For the record, I have dated many men that have fallen into many different tax brackets. Am I an expert in dating, men, or human behavior as it relates to cognitive behavioral patters? Absolutely not. But what I do know is that, at this rate, size does matter. A quick salary range check for a social worker will show you that I am not bringing in the big bucks… YET. Maybe it has been my relationship with money, or maybe it is my positive attitude? But I do know that one day I will have children, and I will provide a comfortable life for them. I can give concessions on a lot of different sizes (I have seen my fair mix), but confidence as it relates to being able to ensure a financially stable future is not one of them. So for me, size most definitely matters.

Does size matter to you?

Best, g.

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