Hypocrite

I adore leaving love notes, and I probably picked this habit up from my mother. My relationship with love notes started as a rocky one, though. I remember being in third grade and dreading/loving opening my lunchbox everyday because I knew that I would find something like, “Love you more than the sun shines,” from my mother. Obviously, I would have been upset if the note was not in my lunchbox, but the fear of the note being seen by another student was almost unbearable. I thought it would be simply too embarrassing to handle. Clearly I made it through the humiliation and, if you ask my boyfriend, have taken to my mothers affinity with vengeance.

For Valentine’s day I wrote, “I look forward to getting to know you.” Then, I was naïve. Now, I am understanding what I really meant and I am more than excited about it.

The point:

How hypocritical of me. How can I tell someone “I look forward to getting to know you,” and omit the bad parts? If that is how it is supposed to go, I should have written: “I look forward to get to know you… Well, the best parts of you. Actually, let’s just have sex and call it quits.” Getting to know someone is, and should be, a nondiscriminatory process. It is the good, bad, and ugly. Let us not forget that I have also written Him, “It is your shortcomings that I am attracted to.” Well, they were His perceived shortcomings, not mine… Regardless , if I can fall in love with someone despite their faults, then that is all I need.

Over the last few days I have had a complete perspective shift. The fact is: I am getting to know him. Is this not exactly what I asked for? It is, so I am incredibly thankful. Instead of getting aggravated that I am uncovering parts that I may dislike, I am beginning to feel thankful for having the opportunity to get to know Him; what a beautiful process. And that is just it: enjoy the process. Developing a love for someone evokes very, very, complex emotions. But these emotions are makes “being in love” so beautiful. I like to compare loving relationships to a hard job, or school: if it were easy, then everyone would do it. Love is ugly, hard, and messy. Conversely, it can be beautifully uncomfortable, easy, and graceful. I am choosing to uncover all parts of Him and how I feel around Him. I will attempt to remember that all parts of life have a good and bad side. Balance, yall.

Best,
G.

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