Man, has this saying really stuck with me. It has been plaguing my runs, which is where I do most of my internal dialog, so I’m guessing, I should purge myself of this dumb saying.
I’m at a boring point in my career. I suppose I should be thankful for the down time, or I should utilize this period of inactivity as effectively as possible? Regardless, I’m bored. This mere boredom is directly correlated to my increase in alcohol consumption, which only polarizes on my current state of worthlessness. I do, however, love my job. It allows me to travel, attend graduate school and be my own boss. I’m very thankful (#whitepeopleprblems), however, my job is just a means to an end. I feel so selfish, as I’m not positively contributing to anyone’s life. I’m simply, doing very monotonous tasks then receiving a paycheck. I know, boring. I’m feeling sluggish and drab.
This drearily dull feeling isn’t new for me. Every since I can remember, I’ve always felt not below par. When I was in middle school I didn’t go to regular English classes, because I had to have my tests read to me, because… I’m dyslexic… You know, not up to par… yeah… Now, at 26 years old, I’m in the same boat.
I know, I know. There are many people that would disagree; I have my own business, I’m in graduate school and, in general, have my life together… But people don’t matter to me. The only one that matters is myself, and I believe that I need to get going.
Core problem: School.
I opted to attend a part-time, 3 year, graduate program. Why did I do this? Who knows… But I’m left with the mess. Don’t get me wrong, I love my program, I’m just FUCKING BORED! Enough complaining. Here’s what I’m doing to combat my situation:
1) I’m writing more. My eventual goal is to be a published author, so why not get started?
2) Work out more. My increasing likeness towards running is slowly becoming a healthy obsession. Into it!
3) Learn Spanish. Slow process, but I’m working on it.
Today, on my run, during one of my many pep talks to myself, I found peace in my current mantra: Little, by slowly.
Why can’t I take my time with everything? Most of my discontentment is self imposed, anyway. As far back as I can remember I’ve taken things slowly. So, for now, I’m just going to slowly chip away at the iceberg. One day, whenever that day may come, I will have chipped away enough ice to fill an ocean. I’m slow and persistent and okay with it. I just have to continuously remind myself to enjoy the journey. Because that is where I will learn my lessons, in the process. I just have to, little by slowly, proceed through life.
This concludes, my self-imposed, writing assignment for the day… Phew… Now, on to Spanish lessons.